Many years ago, a highly placed fashion executive said to me, "If you want to see well dressed women, don’t go to a fashion show." He said it as an insider joke, but I have never had any reason not to believe him. I am so distressed by what I saw in the Paris couture audiences this past January that I feel compelled to devise a list I call:

How to Look Older Than You Are

1. Wear long sweeping furs coats

2. Have a facelift, including overly plumped lips

3. Wear multi carat diamond rings

4. Have long red nails

5. Sport overly bleached hair a la Ethyl from I love Lucy

6. Have dark hair that is way too long

7. Be too thin or too heavy

8. Do all or any combination of the above wearing haute couture


Now for my next list, which I call:

How Not to Wear Haute Couture

1. Do not wear couture with long sweeping fur coats, Birkin reptile bags, face lifts, multi carat diamonds, long red nails, overly bleached or too long dark hair or be too thin or too heavy

2. Do not pull the waistline of your couture gown down under your belly or you will look pregnant (unless, of course, you are)

3. Do not wear flat shoes with couture gowns even if you are twenty three

4. Do not wear the couture gown if it does not suit you, even if you are a movie star and you are borrowing it for one evening

5. Do not wear couture with dirty nails, no makeup or no pedicure

6. Do not wear couture if you do not feel 100% comfortable in it

7. Do not feel compelled to smile if you do wear couture—sadness is a hallmark of the great haute couture in the world

8. If you don’t understand this list, you should probably stay away from the agonies and ecstasies of haute couture

Finally a reminder to the couture audience members and clients--haute couture is a world class event, and if an obituary is written about you, your attendance at the fashion shows will no doubt be mentioned.